It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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