Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
