you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
