I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
