I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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