what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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