look no pants
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
