I'm eating all of the evidence.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
