Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
