Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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