I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize