His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
