You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
