420 ftw
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
