so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
