My first STD was from a foam party
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
