i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Your cock deserves a montage
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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