still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
