So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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