I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
this will be a night to untag.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
