I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
