Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
