apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
