Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
