porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize