The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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