goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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