I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
