I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
