Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
