I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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