I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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