I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
