Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
