dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
