Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
