I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I party with great urgency now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
