...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
