check it out our google latitudes are spooning
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
