Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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