i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
