Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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