Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
