Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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