I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
