New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
