She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
