I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
