I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
