that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
