his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
