i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize