Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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