Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I don't think brook has ever known best
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
