i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
