Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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