Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
