You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
