i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
