i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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