Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
