I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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