He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
