it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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