I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
