Where did you get a picture of my penis
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He has the fingertips of a God
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