Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
