Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I cut my penus on the lid.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
