Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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