im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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