I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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