nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
