I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
