I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
