HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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