therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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