Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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