Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
