hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
