im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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