I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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