So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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