No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
